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you think it's just that, but you've never seen such a thing in your life!
I spent most of Saturday as a tour guide for Livy once she finally got up at nine-ish. I fixed her a hearty farm breakfast of bacon, eggs and home fries and then showed her the farm, introducing her to the cows and the chickens. I let her (made her?) collect the eggs from the nests in the hen house. She was impressed by how large the farm was although at 107 acres I'd never thought of it as big.
I started the tour of the surrounding area by taking Livy up to the state park at High Point, about four miles north of the farm. She'd seen the obelisk monument from the house and had asked about it so I figured that was a good starting point. From there, the highest elevation in the state, she could look down on the whole area, getting a feel for it. On the way down into town I pointed out the cemetery where several generations of my family were buried and other exciting landmarks, like the feed store where I'd worked in high school.
We did a quick five minute tour of the borough of Sussex and then stopped at the supermarket for some shopping. I'd gone through most of what I'd bought earlier in the week and had to re-stock the kitchen for Dad's return. We ran into five people I knew in the store, which amazed Livy. She pointed out that she'd been shopping in the same store on her block in Manhattan for five years and never ran into anyone she knew. By the time we got back to the farm I was sure the local phone lines were buzzing with the news that not only was I back but I had a voluptuous, sophisticated girlfriend visiting from the city.
Later that afternoon I finally showed ghettotube Livy how to milk a cow. For a lesbian she was surprisingly inept at handling an udder. She was quite impressed with my expertise, however, saying she'd never figured me for a tit man.
"You handle those nipples, or whatever you call them, quite well."
"They're teats. And I've been handling them, as you put it, since I was a little kid. That's one of the reasons I'm so popular with my clients. Some men have very sensitive nipples and I'm even better working them with my tongue than my hands."
"TMI, dear. So are these Jersey cows?"
"Only in the sense that I'm a Jersey boy. They're Holsteins, actually. They give more milk with less fat than other breeds."
"The milk I buy must come from Holsteins then. I always buy low-fat. What kind of cows make skim milk?"
"That's not exactly the way it works, Livy." I sighed. "I think I may have to take you on a tour of a dairy someday."
We also used our time in the barn to take some pictures for Dream Dates. Livy had already taken a few of me shirtless in my jeans, tossing feed to the chickens. Now she got some of me with the cows. I pulled the tractor out of the barn and she took some with me on it, the barn and silo in the background. There was a pair of overalls and a straw cowboy hat hanging on a hook in the barn and she suggested some pictures with me wearing them as well. As I stripped off my jeans she decided some nude shots would be a good idea.
"They won't use pictures like that on the web site. It may be an escort service but the site is pretty conservative, suggestive but not pornographic. You've seen the pictures they have on it."
"Nudity doesn't have to be pornographic. I'll make sure your floppy isn't showing. Now drop the boxers. I've seen it on ghettotube all before."